I turned down a free blowjob.

As the title suggest, today marks another "milestone" ...so to speak... in my life. I turned down a free blowjob, tho it isn't as noble... or romantic or whatever... as it seems.

I went to JB to get some money out of my M'sian bank acc cos I'm broke, blah blah... urgent need... blah blah and so on. My work place is paying me peanuts, but they hired a monkey anyway. So I was there in the evening so I stuck around for dinner, bought a copy of "The Star", ate mee goreng at an Indian mamak and chilled.

After dinner and after I got updated on the local going-ons, politics and happenings, I walked to customs but to my horror I saw what must have been about 3 million peepur trying to make their way to Singapore. Not exactly a big fan of crowds and very averse to being stuck in constricted spaces filled with drones rushing about their pre-programmed cyclical lives, I went back looking for another mamak to kill about 2 hours (the time I figured the drones would have dispersed and be in their pre-determined, socially constructed, allocated places performing the roles their fascist paymasters brainwashed them to do.... I'm such narcissist non-conformist).

I found some other mamak somewhere, somehow and in about an hour I got bored and had read the newspaper twice over. Not wanting to read the same bullshit and socially-placating govt propaganda a third time, I went looking for customs again. I wasn't very familiar with the area and all I knew that customs was "that way"... So, ape sajalah, walk that way... which somehow or rather led me thru some very badly lit little roads and lorongs.

A little digression, I may seem and dress very sloppy over here but in JB I still looked rather "touristy". I was in shorts, t-shirt and slippers, but it didn't help I had a little sling pouch over my shoulder which kept my passports, etc... probably a giveaway that I wasn't local. Then I saw what was like 3 prostitutes, on the side of the road I was on... I was hoping they wldn't bother me.

No such luck.

P1: Hey boy... mari-mari!

I just smiled and waved a "no" but she kept calling calling and a I felt it rude to just "buat tak tau je", they are after, still people and besides, I've never spoken to a prostitute before so what the hell.

Me: Ya? Ada apa? (Macam tak tau je ade ape...)

P1: Marilah! Apa takut... mari mari! Wah lu... handsome la... mana pergi? Eh! Dekatlah... jangan takut... Mau "service"? (Opens her mouth with that hand motion...)

Me: Oh nolah... I don't have much money (I was slightly nervous and began mixing english and malay).

P1: U pay wat u want. Come! Come!

Me: Nebermind la...late already. I need to go home. (I couldn't think of a better excuse, I wonder what she would have said if I said I got gerrfren already.)

P1: Where u stay? Come! Come! Ok?

And then she grabs my arm put it close to her breasts and I led me to a REALLY dark lorong to do me a "service". I realised it was now or never and I could be in some serious danger... or seriously molested. So without being too rude I wiggled away while simultaneously muttering no, no, no, no...

Then P2 steps in...

P2: Eh where u go... marilah! Come come... handsome la lu...

Me: No, no it's ok... I dun have money...

P2: U nevermind... for u free! Lu lanjiao besar tak? Wah u handsome lah!.. Come come... I give u free.

Gua jalan cepat-cepat...

Tempting... thanks but no thanks. Those girls were old... late thirties pushing forty. And in my confusion, I later realised they may not even been women. But it was an experience nonetheless, how many of u can say u've spoken to prostitutes... they look nothing like the coyote ugly girls as we imagine them to be.

A bit tickled by the event I sms'ed my friend:

"Yo bhuto... gua kat JB skrg. Gua cakap sama lu, tadi ada prostitute offer gua free blowjob. Dia cakap pasal gua handsome. Lu ada tak?"

The jealous bastard said:

"Jangan-jangan dia buka, lu tiga hari tak mandi, konek lu sudah basi..." but concluded he was proud to be my friend. Whatever lah... 2 kali 5.

How do I get myself into these things? God must have some really funny purpose in life for me... or made one person with no purpose at all... just to see what happens.

It's also strange how it's near impossible for me to get a girlfriend (not that I try...) but have no problems attracting prostitutes and transvestites. Muka aku muka cam tu ke? Why are ladies experiencing some weird mid-life crisis and men becoming/become ladies attracted to me?? Do I have this boy-toy sex object aura? I attract the attention of prostitutes, transvestites, sales promoters, mid-life aunties... awek-awek 20-an kat mane?? Jubor...

Anyway, this is one more experience to add my rich and weird/perverted collection. If peepur ask if I'm handsome or think I'm handsome... I can say yes... "free blowjob" kind of handsome.