The Story of MEgat bin MEntal

MEgat bin MEntal was born in the quiet, sleepyhollow backwoods of Urbanopia in a village called Kampung Kurang Glam. He grew up in Kampung Kurang Glam, living day by day carefree as he always would, collecting leaves and blowing up pinecones, not knowing anything that went on in nearby Urbanopia. The going-ons in Urbanopia interest him as he watched a singular light flicker, the resonant hustle and bustle of activity, and tall swinging structures... day by day.

One day while fishing for otters, he decided once and for all that he would go to Urbanopia and leave behind the monotony of Kampung Kurang Glam. His family voiced their reservations and concern for their one pineapple short of a fruitcake son, travelling all by himself a relatively long distance for a narrow minded person, a whole literal 9 yards it took to reach the land of Urbanopia. But MEgat son of MEntal was adamant, insisting that he had "come of age" and it was time for him to seek his fate and fortune. Such big ambitions... and words... for a little boy with a little known affliction called "retardation".

So he packed 3 days worth of otter-meat sandwiches, leaf underwear, squirrel leather shoes and a racoon for the entire 9 yard trip. There was no map available in Kampung Kurang Glam about Urbanopia because no map-maker wanted their maps sold there, nothing much of anything in Kampung Kurang Glam cept for pinecones and otters. So little MEgat followed a little flickering light that he saw everyday from Urbanopia, hoping it would eventually lead him there. He thought of the light as a faraway celestial directional guide, much like the north star, not thinking that it was possible to physically come across it... until the light bumped into him.

The flickering light emanated from a strange being he had never seen before... it was small, round and flighty... and it was called a "Kunangman". The Kunangman didn't talk much but was friendly enough, but most of the time he was more interested in synchronizing the flickering of his light to the rhythm of a buzzing melodic sound which he made by flapping little digits on his wings while he flew around. So little MEgat and Kunangman became somewhat melodic-specific friends and he brought him around for the rest of the 8 yards in a bottle.

A yard and an otter sandwich later, he found another curious creature, or rather the creature found him. It came out of nowhere and most unexpectedly, as it was accustomed to doing, and buggered MEgat. It introduced itself as a "Tinkerbelle" and welcomed him to "never never land". She explained (without being asked) that she awaited her prince to take her away to some unfathomable land of happiness and bliss and wondered if MEgat knew of any. MEgat said that he actually knew of a few suitable candidates but an association with Kampung Kurang Glam put out the sparkle in her eyes. But she tagged along anyway and became Kunangman's avenue for complaining about melody-light synchronizing despite her not understanding a word.
Along with Tinkerbelle was a kindred-creature called a "Munahsaurus" which was very much like the Tinkerbelle but to a slightly less degree. The Munahsaurus had more of an inclination to violence and was well equipped with devastating crippling techniques. But despite it's propensity for violence the Munahsaurus was somewhat neat and couldn't help but put MEgat's sandwiches, leaf underwear and racoon in some sort of systematic order. This irked MEgat and he was glad when the next morning she was gone, but she took the bottle containing the "Kunangman" with her.

It wasn't long before MEgat met another interesting creature. It was swinging very adroitly from tree to tree making a curious whooping sound. MEgat decidedly wanted just be on his way but the Tinkerbelle, lacking a creature to play Aunt Agony to, called out to it and the creature swung its way to MEgat and Tinkerbelle. It introduced itself as "Prof. Si-ah Mang" and was very wise indeed when it came to sanitation and waste disposal. Prof. Si-ah-Mang was head of World Toilet College of Urbanopia (ref blog entry: Prof Mang) and knew much about properly disposing organic waste. He introduced them to his wife, a pretty little "white-wife tiger" named Aixa, whom despite being an albino, was abnormally interested in colours and was in fact a contender in the famous Urbanopia Colouring Contest. They were much too busy with college and preparing for the colouring contest that they left MEgat and Tinkerbelle after their cordial introduction.

Tinkerbelle had just about had enough of walking when they came across a "real Shah". For a moment it seemed like there were sparks between Tinkerbelle and the Shah and she exclaimed, "Oh well... if I can't find a prince perhaps a Shah will do just as well." MEgat observed that a lot of dilly-dallying went on between them which didn't seem to go anywhere but somehow ended in the shared purchase a strange transportation device. Tinkerbelle was so esctatic by the new device that she kept repeating, "This Maz be for Ril"... whatever that means, must be tired from all the walking. They were going to offer MEgat a ride to Urbanopia but when the Shah heard that he came from Kampung Kurang Glam, the Shah decided that he didn't want MEgat in his new gadget after all.

Since MEgat had already gone 6 yards and had only 3 left, he didn't fret not getting the ride much. Walking along slowly, he had just only noticed that his racoon had died but instead of discarding it, he decided to keep it... it made him feel like a pioneer or a frontiersman. Just as he was thinking it, his thoughts were interuppted by an endless chattering that seemed to grow louder and louder as a shape in the distance began to take clearer shape. To MEgat's dismay he saw that it was the Munahsaurus... but not quite... when he finally came close to it, it was very much like but not the same. He found himself speaking to an "Edinasaurus".

In the same way that the Munahsaurus was similar to the Tinkerbelle but not quite, the Edinasaurus was also similar to the Munahsaurus but not quite. The Edinasaurus didn't quite have the same propensity for violence, but was very much chattier and equally as vain. After travelling 7 yards MEgat had learnt about variety and similarity and how variety can exist in similar and likewise. After a one-sided introduction in which Edinasaurus did all the talking, MEgat and her became friends and companions for the rest of the trip. It took about 2 steps and 786,457,349 words later by Edinasaurus that MEgat began to regret his decision.

Her banter and constant chattering cluttered his mind so much that he almost stumbled and fell over this creature that was lying right across the path. Awakened after almost being tripped upon, the curious creature introduced himself as "Snig" (short for Snake-Pig) and had a rather delightful way of introducing himself, "Hi, I'm Snig!" he said, "I sleep like a snake but eat like a pig. I'm always really beat, and there's nothing I won't eat." Which caused a small amount of concern for MEgat because he wondered if Snig would eat him. So he stepped behind Edinasaurus, hoping if Snig was hungry he would go for her instead. Curiously, Edinasaurus, for some reason, began doing a salsa and Snig was completely stirred from his sleep.

MEgat quietly left before they began making out and left his dead racoon as a gift to them which Snig made into a tissue box. And so MEgat walked the last yard by himself and took the opportunity to reflect upon the last 8 yards of his journey. At every yard, he had met most curious creatures which he felt could not have been more different from each other and yet, could not have been more alike. Each had coloured their encounter with their own brand of personality... and irritability. He felt that his trip, despite his family's concern, had been worthwhile and looked forward to finally reaching Urbanopia, seeing and experiencing what he had done a for long time only from afar.

He began to walk faster and faster all thru the last yard until he was met with a sign that said, "Welcome to Urbanopia". MEgat felt a tremendous amount of pride and a great sense of achievement until... he saw that the landscapes beyond the sign, were nothing but the same... like the last 9 yards. MEgat was devastated. He had all but finished his otter sandwiches, used his last pair of leaf underwear and gave away his racoon. For once in his life, he had finally gone the whole 9 yards and ended up with nothing. He finally came to the realization of something that must been painfully obvious to others:

"I must have been absolutely MENTAL to have made this trip."

There was nothing in Urbanopia...

The flickering light had been Kunangman, resonance of hustle and bustle had been the combination of Tinkerbelle, Munah and Edinasaurus, and the swinging structures had been Prof. Mang swinging from tree to tree in his effort to disseminate proper sanitation advice. The Shah, Aixa the white tiger, and snig were respectively too busy acquiring property, practicing colouring, and too idle for MEgat to have noticed all the way from his kampung. But the rest he had noticed and thought to be Urbanopia.

He had reached Urbanopia and found nothing.

In order to go the whole 9 yards, he finished or lost most of possessions, missed the company of his family, missed the joy of his carefree life, and most of all he missed blowing up pinecones. He had wanted his ritual of "coming of age" to culminate in the rich experiences he imagined to be in Urbanopia, none of which had happened. He had never felt so much less of man and was more dissapointed than he had ever been. There was no Urbanopia for him to "come of age"... or rather, there was nothing in it and he had travelled the whole 9 yards for nothing.

Or did he?

He realized at that moment that he had actually "reached" Urbanopia. He had met the citizens that made up Urbanopia!... all of Urbanopia, and learnt another lesson. He had learnt that Urbanopia wasn't where he was now, Urbanopia was in the 9 yards he had travelled. With that he wondered if there was more in the journey and anything at all in the destination. With this now he didn't feel so bad and didn't regret the trip so much. He was quite glad to have met the denizens of Urbanopia, they each had added colour to a palatte that was now pretty colourful. A palette which would inevitably stay with him for the rest of his life.

Still, he couldn't help but feel a pinch of dissapointment with himself for being so foolish, not knowing all he had known now. MEgat bin MEntal wondered if he should go another whole 9 yards to go home...