Tourism Malaysia

I'm not going to actually talk about tourism in malaysia.. maybe a bit la.. but mostly JB. Heh heh... JB is a pretty colourful place u know... apparently not so safe for u singaporeans and i think i agree la... do be careful in JB or wherever in m'sia u decide to roam. Sedihnya negaraku tak selamat.

So anyway JB is a pretty colourful place (redundant..), as most of u know, it was in JB that i got an offer for free blowjob. Me went back recently couple of times, rokok murah kan, to eat also... got this lorong near the customs with banyak malay and indian food, i cannot vouch for the cleanliness but sedap.

So i was there with a friend and we ate la... Nasi Padang... rice, a really yummy serving of meat or fish, and 2 sayur and tuang gravy sampai kebanjiran.. baru RM4 je. Then near that same lorong was this fortune teller guy all the way from thailand (or so he claims) putting on a show. I didnt understand a word (he was jabberin in mandarin) tapi dia ada bawa ular from thailand sekali! Bukan satu, banyak! Got medium sized cobras, must have been 20 in that cage, then got a mean sized phython, and this gile babi besar king cobra i think... scary.

So dia banyak cerita la... dia perasan nasib org m'sia dgn s'pura tak baik la.. dia datang bawa tuah la.. ape sajelah. Then dia jual macam macam tangkal, minyak ular pun ade la. Then after the show he gave "consultancy". Dia ade assistants sekali. One of his assistants came up to my friend and offered to read his fortune... for free.. no worries one.

So in m'sia... sad but true... when someone tells u "no need money one" it's exactly the opposite. So the fella gave my friend a short reading, saying generic stuff la... "i see luck coming your way" or "hmm.. i need to read a bit further" etc etc.. So after a short while he went like this:

Him: Hmm.. you carry ringgit or sing dollar?

My fren: Why?

Him: Oh nothing... nothing nvm. But u see.. my service free one.. but ah to proceed further..Buddha need RM60 from u.

My fren: But u said just now it's free what?

Him: Ya ya.. but buddha needs RM60 la.. not expensive

My fren: No money sorry...

It went on a bit longer but u probably know how it went.. we walked off soon after. Then my friend wanted to see where it was that i bumped into those prostitutes.. Took a while to find that dark lonely street but finally did. THANKFULLY.. my "friends" (i.e. the 3 prostitutes) weren't there. Maybe cuti ke ape. Anyway then on an adjoining street, got this quite sexy girl, dressed pretty sexy also walking around there, obviously prostitute also. So we walked passed by there anyway then she called to us.. my friend being curious and all, both of us went la. She talked to my friend, aku dah bosan nak layan la. Then found out she can speak mandarin, so my friend spoke to her in mandarin.

Her: Ni yao mah? (with macam macam hand indications)

Me fren: Huh? Oh... chi duo? (How much?)

Her: RM60. Wo men chi lo sang. (We go upstairs..)

Me fren: Bu yao la.. mei you chien.. (don't want la... no money..)

Her: Bu yao pien la.. Wo bu shi ti ti leh.. wo shi mei mei.. wo kai tao liao (Dun bluff la.. i'm not "little brother" u know.. I'm "little sister" leh.. I operate already!)

And then she flashed us her "pussy".. WAARRRGHHH... eh eh gelinye!! Tak nak tengok "pussy" yang cam tu... it looked totally normal la... from what i could see before i turned away... but eh... she used to be a guy... and that's a.. guy's pussy... eeeeeeeeee. With many many goosebumps... kita pun beredar dari situ cepat cepat.

We decided to lepak at the mamak near customs, which was also near the place that the fortune teller was doing his show. But now instead got another fella. Encik Anton Karitingan or something from Sarawak. Dia tgh jual "syahwat buaya" yang bagus sekali untuk jantan jantan semua... i.e. i believe the word he used was "buah zakar" jantan. So he was demonstrating his incredible medicine made from buaya all the way from sarawak. Apparently proven to to enhance the male sex drive and elongate the "shaft". His pitch was:

Him: Saya bini ada empat! Dua tidur kiri, dua tidur kanan.. tidak pernah kecewa!! Apasal? Lu tengok sendiri.

Then he took out some plastic bag tube which he had put the medicine in, blew air in it and held it tight.

Him: Ini macam u punya "benda". U tengok.. lu sapu ini ubat.. habis, lu kasi urut.. Kalau u urut kanan.. dia bengkok kanan. Kalau u urut kiri.. dia bengkok kiri. Kalau u urut bawah.. dia bengkok bawah. Kalau u urut atas.. dia bengkok atas. Kalau u urut depan.. dia kasi panjang. Mana satu lu suka.. u buat la. Kita punya zakar ada banyak urat... ini ubat kasi kuat itu urat. U tengok..

Then he did some demo on the back of some guy's hand. rub some of his oinment on it and started flicking on one of the visible veins on the guy's hand.

Him: HAaaahh... u tengok.. itu urat ada naik tak? Kalau dia boleh kasi naik urat tangan lu yang kasar... apalagi urat zakar lembik??!! Ini ubat saya guarantee!! Takda tipu tipu... anytime u boleh cari saya... saya bagi card saya sama nombor. Ini ubat guarantee power! Tapi..!!! Ada pantang dia... apa pantang dia? Pantang dia.. u JANGAN urut maju-mundur. U tau urut maju-mundur? Org jantan suka urut maju mundur.. fuuh dia rasa sedap.. tapi itu bukan panggil urut lagi... itu panggil ape? Pak Chui Cheng lah! (Hokkien for um...masturbate)

I say macam-macam JB ade... if u want his medicine it's only RM20.. he's opposite the m'sian customs opposite a bee cheng hiang. So tulah... kisah aktiviti aku kat JB. Anyway, it's me hols... I'm goin off to Terengganu for a few days.. it's turtle season. hope to spot one...that is if i'm lucky... sedihnye... even penyu pun dah tak nak datang malaysia lagi.. Be back on mon.. or tues..